


Where to Draw the Line

by Anorlost



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Hux has tiny boobs, M/M, Nipple Play, silliness, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 19:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7769794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anorlost/pseuds/Anorlost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo discovers something about Hux and wants as many people as possible to witness it…whether Hux approves or not.  </p><p>From the moron that brought you F*ck the Snow, Hux: The Angriest Pleasure Slave and An Apology for Tentacle Monsters comes even more stupid!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where to Draw the Line

**Author's Note:**

> I just really wanted Snoke to say 'boobies' okay? Don't judge me!

It began with a private meeting.  Typically Hux managed everything as far as military operations went, but occasionally, especially when Kylo had a mission, they were obliged to coordinate.  Despite their often chilly relations, they kept things as professional as they could.  In spite of their disapproval for each other and their methods, they did have an entire fleet to run, and being at each other’s throats at every twist and turn was not going to do either of them any good. 

“So it’s settled, you’ll have Captain Phasma and her team for your next mission,” said Hux, jotting something down on his datapad with a stylus. 

“If that’s all then,” said Kylo hurriedly, looking forward to getting back to training. 

He hadn’t meant to do it.  He got up quickly and made his way to the door, brushing past Hux as he did.  He honestly had not meant to bump into him, it had been a complete accident.  Hux stopped, and gave him a disapproving, offended look as he did.  Kylo paused and looked down at him.  He had felt something, or rather a lack of something, when he touched the General.  He looked down at Hux, quizzically observing him through the visor of his helmet. 

Hux, unable to read his confused expression, demanded haughtily, “Are you going to stand there like a useless lump or are you going to apologize?” 

“Your chest…” Kylo gasped. 

Hux put away his datapad.  For a moment it seemed like he would cross his arms over his chest, trying to hide the part of himself that Kylo had pointed out.  He settled for keeping his hands at his sides, rather than clasping them behind his back like he usually did, “What of it?” 

Kylo regarded him for a moment before stretching out a hand and placing it on Hux’s chest.  The General stood, braced, boldly staring Kylo down as his co-commander touched him.  He remained silent, stoic in the face of the offensive action as Kylo slid his hand up and down slowly.  Finally Kylo announced, dumbfounded, “There’s nothing here…”

Hux furrowed his brow and all but snarled, “I’m a _man_ , Ren.  I don’t have breasts.” 

Shaking his head, Kylo opened his robes and took Hux’s hand, “No, no, feel mine.  I don’t have breasts either, but there’s _something_ there.” 

Being outmuscled and caught by surprise, Hux found his hand being pressed to Kylo’s meaty chest.  He was certainly right about something being there.  There was a lot of muscle, almost inhumanly thick, flexing under the knight’s skin.  For a moment Hux was completely caught up in the feel of it before he remembered Kylo had grabbed his hand and forcibly placed it over his massive chest.

“But you…” Kylo began, incredulous, sliding his hand over Hux’s torso again, “There’s nothing here.  It’s all smooth and streamlined.” 

“Well, if you’re done pointing that out,” grumbled Hux, trying to pull back. 

“Hey could you…could you take off your shirt?” asked Kylo, moving in closer. 

“What!?” exclaimed Hux. 

“Yeah, just a quick look,” said Kylo, moving in close and grasping Hux’s tunic by the collar. 

“Absolutely not!” shouted Hux, seizing Kylo by the wrists. 

They struggled for a few moments.  Hux nearly managed to throw Kylo a few times, but the knight managed to keep his footing and balance, likely by that power of his.  Kylo kept on persisting, never pinning Hux with the Force, but repeatedly slapping his hands away to open up his tunic.  Hux shivered as cold air hit his bare chest and Kylo stared down at him. 

“Ren, this is completely unprofessional!” snapped Hux as Kylo ran a gloved hand down his smooth chest.

“I just can’t get over this.  There’s nothing here,” marvelled Kylo, “Well, you have nipples, but aside from that-”

“Ren you will cease and desist this instant!” snapped Hux, trying once again to push the knight back. 

Suddenly a set of blast doors opened.  Hux froze, and turned to find Captain Phasma standing in the doorway.  She observed her two co-commanders, one groping at the other’s exposed chest.  She stood silently, watching the scene before uttering, “Hm…seems I won the betting pool.” 

Hux was too mortified to speak.  Kylo on the other hand was quicker to recover, “It’s not like that.  Come here and feel this Captain.” 

“Excuse me?” asked Phasma. 

“Come here and feel this, you won’t believe it,” said Kylo. 

“Captain…” growled Hux warningly. 

“I’ve no interest in the General’s chest, sir,” said Phasma irately. 

“It’s not like that,” repeated Kylo, “It’s…you’d have to feel it to believe it.” 

“Captain, you will not!” commanded Hux. 

Phasma looked from Kylo to Hux, trying to decide which of the conflicting orders to follow.  She sighed, trying to find a compromise, “If I touch the General’s chest, can we stop this ridiculous exercise?” 

“Yeah, just…come here and feel this,” said Kylo, still in awe of what he had discovered. 

“Just a moment and you can close your tunic, sir,” assured Phasma, her exasperation apparent in her tone. 

Hux heard it and understood.  She was doing it to get Kylo to stop fixating on his chest for whatever reason.  Phasma lifted a hand and placed it over his chest.  She paused for a moment, then placed the other on top of it, moving them up and down and squeezing in a light massaging motion.  She gasped incredulously through her vocorder, “It’s…there’s _nothing_ here.” 

“Right?” said Kylo, “It’s actually pretty amazing.” 

“Sir, you do eat, don’t you?  You have a training regimen?” asked Phasma. 

“Of course I do I just…can’t seem to bulk up,” protested Hux. 

“No muscle, no fat, there’s…nothing,” marvelled Phasma. 

“Yeah, just his nipples, then nothing,” said Kylo prodding one of the pink buds lightly. 

“Alright, that’s enough!” snapped Hux, now trying to push two sets of hands away from his chest, “I’m very thin.  Now that you’ve both had your fun, I’m needed on the bridge!” 

“If you would wait just a moment, sir,” said Phasma, sounding almost concerned as she slid her hands over his chest, “I find it hard to believe you’re getting proper nutrition.  Are you certain you don’t skip meals?  You eat all your rations?” 

“I don’t always have time,” said Hux before flushing and continuing to slap at the hands on his chest, “But that’s hardly the point!  I need you both to stop!” 

The sound of blast doors sliding open rang through the room again as Lieutenant Mitaka stumbled in, “Is General Hux pres-  Oh.  Oh…Terribly sorry…” 

He turned bright red and looked away, seeing his General, the General’s co-commander, and Captain Phasma engaged in something he was positive that he was not meant to witness.  The General’s shirt had been opened while the other two were gently squeezing and caressing his chest.  Hux looked up at him, flustered, but determined to keep up a stoic front, “Yes lieutenant?” 

“I…you were late, sir.  We were worried that something might have happened,” said Mitaka, “But you’re well, so I’ll report back to the bridge and-”

“Mitaka, get in here,” said Kylo, reaching out and closing the doors with the Force, “You have to feel this.” 

Mitaka’s eyes widened as he realized that Kylo was indicating he wanted him to touch the General’s bare chest.  He nervously looked at Kylo Ren, who had a penchant for Force-choking his subordinates when they disobeyed, and General Hux, who was equally brutal with dissenters.  He swallowed nervously and backed up against the doors, “I really ought to be going…” 

“No, you need to feel this,” said Phasma. 

If The Master of the Knights of Ren and Captain Phasma were telling him to…

Mitaka nervously approached as Hux groaned his displeasure.  He reached out, fully intending to touch the General’s chest and pull away.  As soon as his hand made contact with the pale flesh though, he started.  Hux was thin.  Incredibly thin.  He placed both hands over Hux’s chest, furrowing his brow slightly.  He pressed his hands to his own chest, pausing to think for a moment, then back to Hux’s then back to his own.  He grinned slightly. 

It turned out there was at least one person on the ship who he was more muscular than. 

“Are we all quite finished!?” demanded Hux. 

“Sir, this is actually quite pressing.  It is physically impossible for you to have nothing here,” said Phasma, sounding very concerned, “Your health is vital to our operations.” 

“He has nipples,” Kylo pointed out, “Really cute ones too…” 

“Can you please control yourselves!” barked Hux, trying to cover his chest.  Though Kylo was beginning to pick up a subtle train of thought coming from Hux that indicated that despite his discomfort, he was enjoying being the center of affectionate attentions. 

“I’m more concerned with his physique overall, sir,” said Phasma before muttering, “He’s practically concave…” 

“I’m not concave!” shouted Hux. 

“Begging your pardon, sir, but…you’re incredibly close,” Mitaka chimed in quietly. 

Hux groaned as there were now six hands poking and prodding at his chest.  Phasma and Mitaka were being fairly clinical, as clinical as anyone could be in this context, running their hands over him as if they were giving him a physical exam and trying to find something wrong with his chest.  Their gloved hands slid over his skin, occasionally testing the pressure and checking for irregularities.  Kylo was a completely different story. 

The knight, who may have been curious earlier was now clearly fondling him, moving in behind him to cup his non-existent breasts and prod at his nipples.  Hux bit back an undignified noise as Kylo started to move beyond prodding, circling them as they slowly pebbled under his fingertips.  Kylo’s voice came from behind them, “Huh…they’re actually really perky.” 

“I would very much like to leave…” grumbled Hux, having long since stopped trying to pry them all off. 

The blast doors opened again and Thanisson marched in, “The General’s gone missing and so has Lieu…oh…terribly sorry…” 

Lieutenant Mitaka and Captain Phasma seemed to be in the middle of checking the General for breast lumps while Kylo Ren pinched and flicked his nipples.  He stared at Hux, completely flustered, his mouth going dry as he looked over the expanse of creamy, exposed flesh and pert, pink nipples caught between the knight of Ren’s fingers.  His jaw dropped slightly as he saw his General being handled, clearly in some part against his will, and yet somehow he felt… 

“Thanisson, come over here,” said Kylo, giving Hux’s ‘breast’ a squeeze, “Feel this.” 

“It’s very important,” said Phasma, sounding incredibly worried. 

“You won’t believe it,” said Mitaka, sounding a little smug. 

The General’s breasts…

Thanisson had often thought of what it might be like to pull the General’s slight body against his own.  Admittedly he very much wanted to touch and hold his General, but had always refrained for a good number of reasons.  It broke multiple fraternization regulations.  The disparity between their ranks was quite a large one, not to mention how much older Hux was.  Surely the General would not have appreciated a man so many years his junior making advances.  Or perhaps he might have, but whatever the case, Thanisson was not about to try to find out through trial and error. 

But now the Master of the Knights of Ren was more or less ordering him to touch the General’s soft breasts…

“I do have to obey him, sir,” said Thanisson by way of an excuse as he walked up and cupped Hux’s unbelievably slight chest.  They were just as soft as he imagined they would be, with the pinkest, sweetest little nipples…

Kylo caught the thoughts and ran his own hands possessively over the little buds.  He wasn't sure how it happened but this was the first time he had picked up on Thanisson's attraction.  He didn't want this pup moving in on territory he was very seriously giving thought to exploring, “Yes, well, no need to be so forward.” 

“Says the man pinching my nipples!” protested Hux. 

“This is very worrying though,” said Phasma, “Sir, I really think you need to at least eat more.  Perhaps I can also look into your training regimen to include more exercises for your pectoral muscles.” 

“I think he’s fine like this,” argued Mitaka. 

“I’m still undecided on the matter…” said Thannison, trying to press a little closer. 

“I just think he feels nice.  All sleek and soft,” added Kylo softly. 

“I am standing right here!  Don’t talk about me in the third person when I’m standing right here!” snapped Hux. 

The blast doors opened again and Petty Officer Unamo ran through them, “The General is gone!  We’re all in…oh…terribly sorry…” 

Unamo was greeted by the sight of a very flustered General Hux, who’s incredibly slim chest was covered by the hands of some of the best and brightest the First Order had to offer.  She arched her brow and moved to turn on her heels, “I’ll let everyone know you’re all alive.” 

“Wait, Unamo, you need to touch them,” said Kylo Ren urgently. 

“Yes, so we can come up with a new diet and training schedule!” said Phasma adamantly. 

“Or we don’t really need to,” insisted Mitaka. 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to…” mumbled Thanisson,

Hux looked over and snapped, “Chief Petty Officer if you start groping me as well I _will_ fire you!” 

“If you don’t touch him I’ll fire you,” said Kylo Ren before growling, “With actual fire.” 

Unamo looked over the scene and wondered what on earth was happening.  Captain Phasma and Lieutenant Mitaka were prodding and rubbing the General’s chest while Kylo Ren and Petty Officer Thanisson seemed to be passive-aggressively trying to claim his nipples.  This was certainly not what she thought joining the First Order would be getting her into.  However if she didn’t join in…

“Apologies General,” she mumbled before settling a hand over his chest.  She paused before marvelling, “There’s nothing here…” 

“Right!” exclaimed Kylo, earning a yelp from Hux as his excitement caused him to clamp down on his nipples. 

“That hurt!” Hux snapped. 

“Are…are you alright General?” asked Thanisson, trying to flirt as covertly as possible while running his fingers over Hux’s nipples, soothing while pretending to check for injuries. 

“He’s fine,” said Kylo quickly, trying to press the other man’s fingers out of the way. 

“By the Maker there’s _nothing_ …” gasped Unamo. 

“Which is precisely why he needs more nutrition!” exclaimed Phasma. 

“I think you’re all getting a bit carried away,” said Mitaka. 

The blast doors opened again and Supreme Leader Snoke entered. 

Everyone stopped. 

“Why, _hello_ ,” said Snoke as he suggestively waggled where his eyebrows should have been. 

Nobody knew what to do or say.  Kylo stood, dumbfounded.  Phasma froze.  Mitaka’s jaw dropped as he began shaking.  Thanisson took a step back.  Unamo felt all the blood retreat from her face and hands.  Hux blanched, completely mortified. 

Snoke sauntered forward, “I see you’re all engaging in a…bonding exercise…”  He looked at Hux seductively before licking his lips, “Hosted by the General I see…” 

Hux looked over his shoulder at Kylo before asking in a slightly high-pitched voice, “What is happening right now?” 

“Fear not, General,” said Snoke, holding his hands out and flexing them in a grabbing motion, “Your blessedly beset boobies have been watched with great interest.” 

The Supreme Leader pulled a canister of breath-spray from his robes, spritzed the inside of his mouth, discreetly checked his breath and continued his slow, seductive walk.  He waved a hand towards the coms and mood music with a heavy bass began playing.  The lights dimmed and Snoke made pinching gestures with his fingers, eyes trained on Hux’s nipples, “Soon your tantalizing titties will know the power of the dark side…” 

Kylo gripped the panels of Hux’s tunic and closed them over his chest, “I think we all agree that a line needs to be drawn, and it needs to be drawn here.” 

“Yes!” everyone else chorused. 

The lights came on and the music abruptly stopped.  Snoke looked up, dumbfounded, “But…but…” 

“No,” said Phasma. 

“Absolutely not!” agreed Hux. 

“But…but everyone else…” protested Snoke. 

“Nobody likes you Snoke,” said Kylo, “You’re fucking creepy, alright!?  We’re all thinking it, but nobody’s wanted to say it!”

Snoke hung his head and trudged out of the room singing softly to himself, “All by myself…Don’t want to be all by myself anymore…” 

“That was weird,” said Mitaka. 

“Yeah…” agreed Thanisson. 

“Can I go back to the bridge now?” asked Hux, beginning to fasten up his tunic. 

Kylo checked a time stamp and then looked at Hux, “…five more minutes?” 

“I really need to-”

“Pleeeeease?” 

“…fine…” 


End file.
